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A girl with kaleidoscope eyes [entries|friends|calendar]
melanie

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[Thursday
March 23rd, 2006 at 10:07am]
i have a new journal

mellington_bear

and it's friends only
8 // comment.

this gossip just in [Wednesday
November 9th, 2005 at 1:34pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

for all those who are under the impression we broke up..



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..nothing could be farther from the truth.
7 // comment.

Dear Journal, [Thursday
November 3rd, 2005 at 9:31am]
I'm way too fuckin' awesome for you.




Love, Mellington
4 // comment.

bits [Wednesday
September 14th, 2005 at 5:29pm]
I've just heard word that SOILWORK is coming to town with FEAR FACTORY!
again, at the croation cultural centre. blast.

and I was just anticipating free pizza.. but it's iffy.. so I think we're gonna just order some pizza so as to maximize the likelihood of us actually HAVING pizza. mmmmmmmmm.

oh yeah, new journal layout. It's pretty great. It's stolen from here and there. Thanks all yous, even though I clearly took stuff from you without asking. BAHAHAHAH.
8 // comment.

macro Rome [Wednesday
September 14th, 2005 at 4:48pm]
We've discovered the coolest thing ever.
Google MAPS.
It has satellite views of EVERYWHERE! And you can zoom in considerably close!

The Romans totally knew what they were doing when they designed their city. It's even aesthetically pleasing from a bird's eye perspective.

check THIS out
[takes a few seconds to load]

Now try it yourself! Find your house! Hours of fun and entertainment!
5 // comment.

[Tuesday
September 13th, 2005 at 8:56am]
[ mood | rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ]

Thinking about this city brings me down ...but it's pleasuring the small things that makes it O-K.

Sitting and having a beer after work on the balcony with Chris.
Getting excited about future endeavours with Chris.
Waking up on a rainy Sunday morning and playing Halo with Chris.
Realizing our fridge is full, after a grand grocery shop with Chris.
Watching Seinfeld and eating dinner with Chris.
Everything with Chris.
Especially laying in his arms after the alarm clock has gone off and not wanting to let go.


Things I'm looking forward to:
- CANUCKS GAME(S)!!!!!!!! I'm currently awaiting to buy tickets as I type this..
- Meshuggah concert
- Getting Satellite TV (THIS SATURDAYYYY!!!!!!!) to watch the news and the Discovery Channel and hockey
- Dying my hair again (more blonde!)

Time to concentrate on getting good seats...........

[edit]

Canucks tickets actually don't go on sale till the 17th. Dammit.

3 // comment.

new shades [Thursday
September 8th, 2005 at 4:14pm]

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5 // comment.

[Thursday
September 8th, 2005 at 12:54pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Mmmmm garlic french bread. I had SUCH a tasty dinner last night. In fact, every dinner I've been having lately has been incredibly tasty. Why? Because Chris makes it that way. If I try to cook something.. it's so-so. My mum says that's because when you make the food yourself, it doesn't taste nearly as good to you. Lesson learned: I don't want to cook - EVER. Let the tastiness continue!


And now for something completely different!
(haha, get it.. Monty Python..)

Anyhow, already I'm noticing how much work I have to do this semester. I'm re-thinking my taking 4 courses. But then again, if I want to get this degree done in 3 years, I HAVE to take at least 4 courses a semester! So I better just get used to it.

I spent $200 on textbooks already.. I have another $120 to spend today. FUCKING BOOKS.

Also, I haven't really talked to anybody in any of my classes.. well, except this one girl in my psych class.. but she just graduated HIGHSCHOOL and it's likely I have nothing in common with her. This whole making-friends thing is failing already. Am I scary and no one wants to talk to me? Or am I just shy and so is everyone else? Stupid social stigmas! "I won't say anything until SHE says something." I'm just as much to blame for it though.



now it's time to go to class AGAIN..

comment.

first day of school [Tuesday
September 6th, 2005 at 12:42pm]
[ mood | bizarro ]

I feel all nervous and excited. How ridiculous. It's NOTHING! All I'm doing today is going to ONE class, sitting there for about 20 mins while the prof goes over the course outline.. then I'm outta there.

I think I'm hoping to meet friends.
But we all know what's gonna happen with that.


I also have to pay the library $52 in late fees, 'or ELSE'. Better get on that.



Why do I feel like SHOPPING?????

5 // comment.

[Tuesday
August 30th, 2005 at 3:36pm]
[ mood | HOLY FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

I just bought my tickets to MESHUGGAH!!!!!!!

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Why is the goddamn show at the croation cultural centre? [it doesn't even deserve capital letters]
All ages?
Go to hell, you lil' snot-faced pieces of shit.



But even that can't ruin my EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!! My favourite band! Y'SSSSSS!!!!!!!!


I'll see all you fellow meshuggah fans there!
11 // comment.

owww, my tummy! [Monday
August 29th, 2005 at 8:30am]
[ mood | silly ]

My stomach has been turning lately. Knotting up in a million directions, making it difficult for me to relax. I felt so nauseated all of Saturday, all the way into the evening. I even had to leave work early (which, of course, wasn't a bad thing).


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at least there's always room for yogurt <3<3<3



I'm just not sure whether it's nervousness or anxiety.. perhaps a mix of both. However, both are UNWARRENTED and make no sense. I've attempted to summon a conclusion to this nonsense because I can't GO ON with a sick feeling in my gut for the rest of my life!

I miss Chris during the day. We have conflicting work schedules where he works all day, I work all night, and we spend a mere few hours together when I finally arrive home. I guess it's really not that bad, but I'm dreading when school starts...and I won't be able to DO things with him, but will rather be studying a lot of the time. It's discouraging to think about this, though I think things will be fine. Maybe my stomach is just worried for me, and it can't help it. Even when I try to subside the sick feeling with optimistic whirrings in my mind, it still has the capacity to override my efforts.

Get over it, already! THIS WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY ARE GOING TO BE FUCKING GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're gonna spend the night in Richmond with James so that we can have more time to do things in Vancouver (even though we don't like that city a whole lot). But 2 whole days off, with my best friend, without a care in the world.. Heavenly.

Completely off topic, check it out! A cat foot:


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2 // comment.

[Thursday
August 25th, 2005 at 2:23pm]
[ mood | *sigh* ]

I figured out it's going to take me exactly 3 years (6 semesters) to graduate with my degree. That's a pretty long time, considering I've already finished 2 years and it hasn't exactly gone by quickly. This is also considering I take at least 4 courses per semester, not including summer semester. I also have to get at least a B average (3.0 GPA) to be able to get into physiotherapy school. Of course, I'm not too worried about it right now (pfft!) because I'm not actually doing any school work right now, and I'm not stressed out. But you just wait. I'll be falling out of my plan..trying to hold on..as soon as my first midterms come along.

I feel good that I have a plan though, as discouraged as I might get sometimes.


_______________________________________________


I'm so excited! Chris took off next Wed + Thurs (which are MY days off) so that we can do something!!!! EEEE!!!!!!!! I'm not sure what we'll do.. but probably something close to home (ie: PNE, the zoo). Ideally, I want to go camping. But it's a hell of a thing to plan for just 2 days.. I'd want to stay longer.


Tonight is dinner with my parents.. I miss them. I miss my mum's cooking! That's another reason I couldn't just up and move somewhere far away. My family is more important to me than I realize sometimes.
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[Wednesday
August 24th, 2005 at 12:08pm]
2 days off! *sigh*
I'm loving the feeling of NO obligations! (What else is new?)

I'm also loving the fact that I made $200 in tips in my last 3 shifts combined (all of which were only 4 hour shifts). It's really strange though cause Fridays I still walk outta there with less than $30. MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL!

However, I don't love how I feel slightly uncomfortable around my co-workers. There's not one person I really care to have a conversation with, I'd much rather just keep to myself. I probably come across as a bit snobbish, but these people just aren't MY kinda people I guess. I feel really 'out of the loop', but I don't mind. The "LOOP" is only a segmented fraction of information that is perpeptuated among my lovely co-workers creating a webbed network of inclusive facts and style which cycles in on itself, not offering any tangents to people like myself who don't CARE about singing along to the shitty music in the restaurant or talking about quotes from movies. I'd rather not engage in pathetic displays of patternized automatic speech reactions which are shallow in content, and do not communicate anything of intrinsic worth. GIVE ME INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION! PLEASE! Or at least offer me something I can relate to that has nothing to do with your plans for the night, the gossip about so-and-so, or monotonous mentionings that are work-related.

So I spend most of my time concentrating on my job, which I guess is best for me, but I don't entirely feel like I belong or that I'm making any friends. Just me being my introverted self, I suppose. I'm best at that.
3 // comment.

[Tuesday
August 23rd, 2005 at 2:44pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I think I've had wayyyy too much time to myself lately. It's come to the point where I'm obsessing over things again and constantly analyzing myself and my 'situation', if you will.

I've written about this before, but it's happening again. It feels like seperation anxiety in the form of home-sickness. But not your usual home-sickness. This is made up of hues of feelings that have an origin only inside my mind, not from physically being somewhere. Inside me, there's maps of unexplored lands, dreams, and a compass, which is nothing more than a gut feeling telling me I need to GO. It's as if this place once knew me and is asking for my return.

But maybe I don't really belong there. I think perhaps this is all signalling a well-needed visit.

I've decided to begin saving money NOW (despite having bills to pay) I'm still going to tuck away as much money as possible... until one day I can afford to see what all these feelings are about. Chris has expressed desire to accompany me, which is more than I could ask for! He has no reason to go somewhere like Finland.. but he's willing to experience the event WITH me. I absolutely love him for this.

I keep talking about moving there.. but I can't be saying this. I can't base that sort of choice on instinct.. or can I? No. There's a reality here that's more pressing than me suddenly sending myself over there on a whim, only to find out it's not what I had imagined or hoped for.

However, I'm still going to actively obsess over Finland. It gives me something to look forward to. I want to make frequent visits in the future, and will do so...in the future. For now, I'll stick to re-learning the language on my own time, plus learning some Finnish cooking, and learning about the Kalevala (Finnish mythology).

I'm happy with that.

1 // comment.

cookies taste better when shared [Thursday
August 18th, 2005 at 3:33pm]
[ mood | full ]

I've been home alone all day. It's been SUCH a relaxing day of pretty much no activity. I treasure these luxurious days off, but I don't like being alone.

Seriously all I've done today is look up books on amazon and bake COOKIES!


[WARNING: these photos are absolutely ridiculous.]
...and take photosCollapse )

3 // comment.

spasm rendered [Wednesday
August 17th, 2005 at 3:16pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]


MESHUGGAH, The Haunted, God Forbid, Mnemic
Seattle
Oct.23rd

holy fuck.



Stroboscopic contortion-assault. Light bulb language
translated into fits
Codes of tendon-flickers I can't grasp. Focus lost as
I writhe and twitch
Random beats of blinding shockwaves. Erratic suns
that twist my eyes
Flashes pounding at my thoughts as the intrinsic pains
multiply

Muscle and tissue twined with every violent lash
Battered by an unrelenting shine
Immobilized by the increasing pains,
the procreating agonies of system breakdown



Lightwave frequency body-oscillation. Undeciphered
motions pass through my flesh
Bodily reverberation induced. A corporeal system lost
in its waves
Bleached into their existence by tremulous epileptic
strokes
Blasts of irregular pulsar-radiation - Triggering the
process of mind and body control

Lost to their control
A sentence - in flashes told
Enticed by their calls; - Insane, divine

Torn, undone, dissolved
By incandescent gods condemned
Burned. Their mark on my soul
To my inverted shadow confined


if anyone has seen Meshuggah live, they'll know how clearly INSANE jens kidman is

Twisted, spun. Vertebras and spinal column unaligned
Joints shattered and torn apart. Spasm-rendered
distortion
Organic spiral. Stretched and torn into a new
creation
A worldless thing, a thingless word. Lightborn
malformation
15 // comment.

it doesn't add up [Friday
August 12th, 2005 at 11:20pm]
[ mood | hmph. ]

So I worked my ass off tonight.
And it showed. Every table tipped me over 10% (including MANDAAA!!! I'm so happy you came to see me!! Thanks for such a big tip.. you're insanely gracious). I was sure I'd be walking away with at least $50. I was quite proud of myself!

But at the end of the night, after a 4.5 hr shift, I walked away with only $24 in tips. How does THAT work?
Someone screwed up, and I am SO FUCKING ANGRY.

8 // comment.

[Friday
August 12th, 2005 at 4:05pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

ohhhh my gosh. Extreme anxiety has just suddenly taken over my body. This hasn't happened in a very long time! I don't feel like eating, but I'm forcing myself to because I have to work at 5:15.. and it's FRIDAY, so it's going to be INSANELY busy at the restaurant :( This is great for tips, but shitty for the amount of stress. Hopefully I have a smaller section this time than I did on my first shift (which included 10 tables PLUS the patio!) Oh god, I don't want to goooooo! *cry*

I was just sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, shaking. Why am I such a wimp when it comes to obligations like work? Everyone has to work! It's not like I'm the only person being forced to! What is wrong with me!?!?! GET OVER IT, MELANIE!


I just want to hurry up and have the night over so I can get home tonight and see Chris <3

3 // comment.

ohhh how I love Abbotsford! [Friday
August 12th, 2005 at 1:47pm]
[ mood | gah ]

Goddamn Air Show.

I can HEAR the overwhelming noise, but can't see a thing! This is just an annoyance! No napping for me this weekend...

2 // comment.

[Wednesday
August 10th, 2005 at 9:15am]
[ mood | ENERGY!!!!!!!! ]

Not that I could really afford it.. but it doesn't look like the Bellydance Retreat is happening anymore and I'm upset :( That would have been AMAZING, but I guess they just couldn't get their shit together. I'm thinking about taking private lessons again... but of course this all depends on how much extra money I have to spend. Speaking of bellydancing, I'm desperate to go watch the bellydancers at the various Greek restaurants in Vancouver! I'm not sure how much that would cost, exactly. It's definitely on the agenda shortly though!

As for my agenda for the day... let's just say, good thing I don't have to work today! First I'm gonna go open a new bank account at Envision. I'm switching from TD cause Envision would cost me less each month for an account AND because Chris's dad works there as a manager .. so if I have any problems, he can resolve them AND because this way Chris and I can easily transfer money from one account to the other in the case of having to pay rent, food, or any other shared expenses.

After that, I'm gonna go cash my student loan .. only I have to find a Canada Post somewhere in this darn city. But hey, EVERYTHING is along South Fraser Way, so I shouldn't have a problem.

I'll finally get to the gym today and get some running in. Then if I have any energy left after a good workout, I'll do some pilates FOR THE FIRST TIME! I downloaded some to get me started. It's a great idea to increase my flexibility and agility for dancing! (and in general too, of course)

OH! And I also have to head into work today to figure out what went wrong with my schedule. I went into work last night, only to find out they didn't need me.. or rather that I wasn't actually scheduled for last night! BAH! What a waste of my goddamn time!!!!!!

Then after settling all this, I'll go for a tan (Mellie? Tanning? It's true.. I miss going tanning. It's sooooo incredibly relaxing. And besides, it's not like I'm sitting in the sun all day anyways. In fact, I avoid the sun as much as possible.. so I have to get my vitamin D somehow! har har..)

Oh, but the day doesn't end there.. I have to go to the MALL. The mall here isn't so bad. I gotta buy Ben a present for his Bday. Any ideas? WAIT, I think I have a great idea... but I'm not gonna say cause BEN READS THIS! SHH!

So I'm just gonna finish this coffee, and get goin. I'm not really sure what to do first!

3 // comment.

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